The Craptank

Has anyone else had enough of this environmental hysteria shit yet?? Every time you turn around there's another history major dropout that is spouting all kinds of ignorant "green" horse shit. You tree-hugging hippies can hug my sweaty nutsack! One of the latest abominations to come out of this oh so fashionable cause is a group called Plane Stupid

Side note: I've only linked to their site in hopes that some envirowhore might search the term and stumble into here and get their ass handed to them

Yeah, A hippy in a lab coat standing next to a banner is science. Fuck you! So if you haven't guessed yet, these wonders of the gene pool want us to stop flying because it's bad for the environment. Thats a great idea guys! We should all stop flying so that we can single-handedly save the planet from global warming... oh wait, Aviation only accounts for 2-3% of the global carbon emissions. These well educated scholars go on to cite big numbers such as: "A single long haul flight uses 60,000 litres of kerosene." in a feeble attempt to bolster their point. Nevermind for a second that these people's biggest beef is with short haul flights, but they're absolutely right. It takes an assload of fuel to fly 8000 nautical miles. The fuel tanks on these things are so big that you can stand straight up inside of a 747 center wing tank. What they DON'T bother to mention is how newly designed airplanes such as the Boeing 787 will have a per-passenger fuel efficiency of more than 78 miles per gallon. That's more than those tampon-on-wheels toyota priuses that these greenpeace fucks like to drive around. If these wastes of sperm were getting chem and physics degrees and working to find real solutions I probably wouldn't come down on them so hard. Instead they'd rather parade around in cardboard. Save the "science" for people who actually have degrees in the science/technology fields, you pricks. If you have a myspace account, feel free to flame them ... and be sure to tell em j-man sent ya.

I drive into work this morning and go to pull into the parking lot when I see 3 fire trucks and 2 cop cars in the the lot with their lights on. My first though is "another drug deal here in the ghetto".

I see one of my co-workers cars in the lot, but don't see him around, so I figure he's inside and everything must be ok. I walk into the building and catch a whiff of gas. I look 2 firefighters square in the face, and they say nothing to me as I head up the stairs. I get to the office and walk in to see that no one is inside. I figure my co-worker is in the can and will be in shortly. I start to log on to my computer and get to work, and I notice that no one is in the building. I figure now may be a good time to see where people are. There everyone is outside sitting around.

You would think one of the brainiac fire-tards would have said "you can't come in yet" or something of that nature. Hell no! That would be them doing their job!

I almost forgot, someone shit themselves here too. I walked over what looked like a turd in the hall way, then I see a nasty "explosion" all over the seat in the cripple stall.

The moral of the sory - Towson, MD is a safe, clean place to work!

First off, all hail the return of the craptank! Secondly, thank you to j-man for the talk up. I'm sure my stories will entertain all, and make you feel a little bit better about your lives. We'll leave the "black baby" turd for a later time.

I feel as if I should leave some form of nugget, so I will do my best.

About a year ago, I joined a gym not far from my office. I felt it would be a good idea to go, perhaps lose a little weight and let out some frustration. As some of you know, they try to push the "personal training sessions" down your throat like trying to give a pill to a cat. You don't want it, but they cram it down your windpipe.

Anyway, I got a free session from one of the trainers, named Summer (more to come on this later).

I get there a couple days later to get this session over with. Turns out the trainer is like 30 minutes late. FIne, I putz around for a while. Summer then comes in wearing "stripper heels". Those 6" clear plastic shoes you see strippers and whores wear...apparently are great to work out in. We sit at a desk to go over the "training plan" she came up for me. She gives me a business card, where it says "Summer Muscle - personal trainer". I think this has got to be a joke. her name is Summer Muscle? On the other side of the card is "Louie's towing". What kind of half-assed business is this.

Then Summer asks me, out of nowhere, "Have you ever done speed?" What the fuck?!? I say no, and she goes into the back office. She comes out and puts a pill on the desk in front of me, and walks to have a conversation with another trainer. Not only is she supposed to be training me and not doing shit, but she's pushing mystery pills (which makes the whole pill down a cat's gullet even funnier). At that point, I packed up my shit and got the hell out of dodge.

2 days later, I get a phone call from Summer. She proceded to tell me she had been fired from the gym, and asked to not come back there even to work out. It seems I tend to attract all of the crazies!

So one of the things I had in mind for version "2.0" was a system whereby my trusted advisors (read: people i can put up with) could contribute directly.

With that said, i'd like to introduce the first contributor: Ed, aka Minivan. It's only fitting that he be the first here, as he was essentially the co-founder of the original craptank back in the day (although I ended up doing all the bitchwork, lazy bastard!). For those who were around then, you may remember him as the e-prop giving pimp edables.

In short, he's brutally honest, offensive, and blatantly disregards tactfulness. Oh, and he's got more great stories than the fuckin' bible! It's gonna be good times round here.

Thar be more free booty on the horizon ARRRR! This link came up in IRC the other day (thanks asunder).. check out Seeqpod It's basically a web crawler that searches for mp3s hidden out there on the web and allows instant playback via a flash player and playlist engine. Want to hear Trivium's cover of Master of Puppets? type it in. Also includes a cool rolling list of what it's finding so you can check out stuff at random.

And for the piratin' type ARRRRR! it also lists the URL of the mp3.. the only thing it's really missing is bitrate info...

Enjoy