The Craptank

In honor of Saturdays upcoming Penn State at Michigan game, I feel the urge to vent some hatred at Michigan head coach Lloyd "I look like a sad basset hound" Carr. My hatred isn't just at Lloyd Carr, actually. It's more of a hatred of everything about Michigan. In 2005, Lloyd cried to get 2 seconds put back on the clock, which ended up burning us with a touchdown to Mario Manningham with 1 second left.

In 2006, everyone got all hyped up with then #2 Michigan playing #1 Ohio State. Both were undefeated, and yes it was a good game. So what happens? Michigan loses, goes to the Rose Bowl and gets embarrassed by USC! WOO USC!!

Welcome to 2007! Here Droopy Face! Here's the #5 ranking because you are awesome. Seriously, why #5? After two straight losses, one of them humiliating, they are rewarded? I loved it when Appalachian State beat them, and then they got demolished by Oregon.

So prepare to bend over this Saturday, Lloyd! JoePa, Dan Connor and company are ready to ram it up your shit locker and mash your dinner! Oh sure, Penn State will say "They're a good football team and we have to prepare and blah blah blah", but you know everyone in that locker room is looking to make you look like an even bigger bitch. So fuck you Michigan! I hope to punish you by nailing all of your cheerleaders. Because as we all know, there is no greater punishment than having to get nailed by one big Minivan!

So asunder brought this to my attention, but he's too lazy to actually post something himself so here goes..

In case you haven't heard, CBS is going to run a new reality show entitled "Kid Nation". The basic premise is that they dump a bunch of kids in some ghost town in the middle of the desert and they have to create their own society, totally unsupervised by adults of course. In case you're wondering what kind of idiot would let their kids roam around in the goddamn desert by themselves, look no further than the parents who actually signed the release form. In short the form states that CBS is not liable if the kids die, get maimed, or become injured. Sweet!

Of course if these kids actually do end up dying, I guess it wouldn't be so bad as they wont be able to pass along their parent's retard genes. Go Darwin!

Now there's probably nothing worse than "reality" tv, but I might actually watch this in hopes of catching the episode where they burn their faces off and drink bleach.

This is the first of many turds to come about possibly the most limp-dick region of the united states: Seattle. What better place to start in this long shit list than its drivers.

Seattle drivers suck. Plain and simple. Every trip out on the road is absolutely infuriating. For example, everyone routinely drives 5 mph under the posted speed limit. They don't understand the concept of left lane being a passing lane and think driving 30 mph down the on ramp is the best speed at which to merge. The list of offenses is too great to list here at once, but you can get a good idea of the state of road affairs in seattle by reading Driver's Etiquette For Seattle. You'd think in a place where the roads are wet for long periods of time, that the drivers would naturally become good at handling the rain. Not so.. and don't even get me started on how they handle snow The problem is that seattle drivers are a bunch of overly timid, overly "polite" pussies. Apparently i'm not the only one that thinks this way.
Wake up seattle. Grow a pair of testicles and start driving like you mean it.

I work at a grocery store, and we have these self-checkout machines, which I am usually assigned to attend when I work. Now, these machines can get really temperamental when handled by people who can't follow instructions. You may think that there can't be that big of a percentage of customers who are that stupid. You would lose that bet, so you might as well hand over all of your money to me now. I'd say at least 25% of customers who use those things are complete morons. "Oh, but they're probably just not used to them, and that's why they fail to use them properly." WRONG! Let me tell you why.

When the machine says, "Please place the item in the bag", both on the screen and verbally, you would expect them to understand what it wants them to do. They completely ignore any and all instructions spewed from that thing, and I get to enjoy mass bitchings. "Please select your method of payment, and touch the screen where indicated" is another one they ignore just to vent some rage onto me.

My point, in short, is that more people than you know, are absolutely retarded. Now get the hell off my self-checkouts!

Ever wonder what happens when you put an iPod into a blender? Well wonder no more! If you haven't seen this site yet, be sure to check out willitblend.com. The basic premise is simple: Put a bunch of crap (iPhones, marbles, garden rakes) into a blender and find out if it'll blend. Now that's science!! All I know is that I want one of these blenders.