The Craptank

Do you ever wonder to yourself, "What can I do to be a complete prick at a kiosk-run gas station?" Allow me to enlighten you, as there are a few ways people found to piss me off when I work gas.

#1: Never use your credit/debit card at the pump. Always opt to "Pay Inside" and slap your card down at the attendant's station, wasting everyone's time and adding unnecessary effort to complete the transaction.

#2: Never follow the on-screen instructions on the pump. Assume that you know what you're doing, hit a couple random buttons, and bitch to the attendant when it doesn't do anything.

#3: Never pay attention to the signs posted on the pumps. The reading material on the pumps are never important. Messages like "In cooperation with your bank, the pump stops automatically at $100 for a credit card transaction" are only for antisocial geeks, and should always be ignored.

#4: Try to pay with a check, even though practically no gas station in the world that operates out of a small kiosk accepts checks.

#5: Start pumping, and pay while you have the pump handle set to automatically keep pumping for you. Bitch at the attendant when the pump exceeds the amount you paid, even though the attendant has no control over your pump when you start it up before paying.

I'm sure, with enough time, I could come up with a good many more, but I think that's enough to get my point across. A firearm should be a mandatory piece of "customer service" equipment.

America is full of oversensitive pansies. This rampant pussification has been steadily growing like the mold you found on the leftover tuna casserole that’s been abandoned in the bottom drawer of the fridge for several months. And much like said fungus, it has finally grown to the point where there’s almost no place left that’s free of the disease.

The latest example that has been floating around the news was the incident where a Department of Homeland Security employee managed to offend somebody with their Halloween costume. For those unaware or too lazy to read the link, I’ll summarize: Some dude who works for the immigration arm of the DHS shows up to the Halloween party wearing a striped prison jumpsuit, dark skin makeup, and dreadlocks. He gets praised by everyone for his creativity, or at least until someone noticed he was wearing makeup to make his skin look darker. Mass hysteria ensues as the man is put on administrative leave and an investigation is launched.

What’s the big deal here? Is he trying to imply through his costume choice that all blacks are criminals? Doubtful. The guy dresses up as a black inmate and somehow it’s considered inappropriate. How much you wanna bet that the person(s) who took offense were white? People love to get upset and make a scene for the sole purpose of trying to prove to others that they aren’t racist or insensitive. Get a grip.

Even if this guy is the most racist dung wad to walk the earth since Al Sharpton, there are still a few problems with this whole situation. First off, they put the guy on administrative leave. That means he’s still being paid, except now he’s not actually doing any work to deserve it. Congratulations America. Your tax dollar is helping to pay for this guy to sit around at home and watch The Price Is Right. If that isn’t bad enough, consider the following: The Department of Homeland Security is actually spending time and money to investigate fucking Halloween costumes!!!

All of this because someone has to bitch and moan every time they don’t like something they see. Some people need to get a sense of humor and shut up instead of constantly crying foul and making a big deal out of nothing.

Ok, perhaps this is a stretch, but seriously, how irrelevant is affirmative action now? Thanks to universities and employers havng to meet their "quota", average white people get looked over for jobs, scholarships, college acceptance, etc. And if there places to give whitey a chance, then Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson open their yaps, and no one wants those gas bags to talk, especially the minorities they are supposedly defending.

There is the NAACP, United Negro College Fund and other organizations to help advance minorities. I'm all for that, but what about stuff to help middle class, white kids? That's racist according to "society". Well I'm offically starting the "Give honkeys a chance" foundation (I'll get a better name) where I help kids like I was to maybe get a foot in the door.

Witness the very first Peanuts comic that was first published back in 1950. Charles Schulz must have had incredible foresight to correctly predict how I would feel half a century later. Or perhaps he just knew how much good ol’ Charlie Brown, and the rest of Peanuts for that matter, would suck. Could it be that I am alone in my hatred? Doesn’t anyone else realize how horrible it is? How else could it have actually survived for 50 fuckin’ years? Wake up people. Peanuts is un-funny and boring at best. It makes Garfield look like Family Guy in comparison.

What’s even worse than the comic strips are those goddamn animated specials. It’s like the levels of boring and stupid are multiplied each time one of the characters opens their bitch mouths. Also, it doesn’t help that everyone talks like they suffer from severe brain damage. Wah whaaa wah wah wah… Fuck! They should have cast Helen Keller to do the voices.

Schulz has been rotting in the ground for years now, yet we’re still being exposed to all of his crap as the papers re-print old strips, and the networks re-run the wretched animated specials. Schulz, your crappy comic could never be as great as Calvin & Hobbes, or The Far Side. Both of which decided to bow out gracefully at the top of their game, long before becoming old and hackneyed. For Peanuts, that point was crossed right around strip #2.

Fear not however, for there is hope: Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles

Here is a list of people that can not drive to save themselves. Please note that this based purely on my own opinion, which can be considered factual evidence.

- Women
- Old people
- Blacks
- Indians (the dot head, turbine wearing kind)
- residents of New Jersey
- Residents of Maryland

Add an adverse weather condition like a light shower or a partly cloudy day, and that sends everything into a tailspin.

I am seriously considering purchasing the above firearm, a Smith & Wesson .500 Magnum, and using it to weed out these pimples on the ass of the vehicular community!