The Craptank

I'm proud to announce that as of this very turd, the new version of the craptank, what you're reading right now has surpassed the number of posts on the old xanga site (not including the first "classic" post here of course). That means that we've accomplished here in 6 months, what took over 2 years at the old site. Thanks to all who commented and contributed so far!

Also you'll notice a new feature in the footer of each turd here on the site. I've added a Digg button for all of you who use Digg. If you see something on here that you like, feel free to digg it. If the particular post has not yet been submitted, clicking the link will take you to the submit screen. Right now i'm just going with the compact version of the button that shows the count. In the future I might just change it over to an icon. Lemme know which you'd prefer.

While I'm on the topic of Digg, if you use it, feel free to add me.

Merry Xmas, Bitches!

Sorry for the lack of updates, but it has been a busy month. Not to mention most everyone else with posting privileges have been really lazy in that regard. Expect a bunch of new content soon however. For now, I give you possibly the greatest song of all time!

Also,

is pretty good too. (thanks Andrea!)

NNYYAAAARRRGGHH

Am I the only one who thinks that identification sketch of the baby grace kid is reeeallly creepy? I mean, even without my slight photoshop job. She reminds me of something that's likely to pop out of the washing machine in the middle of the night for the sole purpose of drinking your blood and consuming your living flesh raw right off the bone.

You can almost understand why her parents killed her. She probably came walking up behind them in the dark and their startled reaction went something like: AHHH! What the fuck is that!? I don't know, but I feel like it's trying to suck out my soul! Jesus christ it's coming closer!! Quick! Kill it! KILL IT!!

Unless you've been chained in the basement over the last couple of years, you've come to realize that baseball is no longer the national past time. How did this happen? Well it has been widely documented that baseball's decline is completely the fault of that arrogant cock Barry Bonds. But the important point that I'm trying to make here is that something was needed to fill the void left by baseball. That something, of course, is video games.

But if there's anything better than actually playing video games, it has to be watching people talk about video games using crudely animated... animation to go along with their narrative. Case in point: Zero Punctuation. Zero Punctuation is a weekly(?) video game review put together by some British chap who goes by the name Yahtzee. You really gotta check this out. His review of Halo 3 and Console Rundown videos are fucking hilarious.

Special thanks go to Motsco for sending me a link to this stuff a while back (probably could have done without the 2girls1cup link however). Anyway, if you want a Craptank account, IM me.

Originally Posted: 6/6/2003



A while back, Ford produced a model called the Tempo. Tempo. A name that would seem to convey speed.. or at least a wide range of possible speeds. If you've ever been stuck behind someone driving a tempo however, you'll quickly realize that these people only have about two speeds: slow and damn slow. In fact, I cant think of any time in my life that i've ever been following someone driving a tempo who was doing so at a decent speed.

If there is one factor as to why people behind the wheel of these cars drive so slowly, i'd have to say it's old people... And its just like uncle George told you... Old people drive like they fuck - slow and sloppy.

Sometimes I just wish I had one of those programmable LED signs attached to the front of my car. That way I could type in some helpful comments to help my slow friend correct her shitty driving.

In other news: Yes I said "her" ... its usually a woman driver anyway.
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Welcome the first of many "Craptank Classics" to come. The classic turds wont necessarily be posted in their original order. Not a whole lot to say about this one other than I really do want that sign.. it would be of great help in expressing to my fellow Seattle drivers how they should quit fucking around and get out of the way. God I hate how everyone around here drives 5mph under the posted speed limit!