The Craptank

This is the first of many turds to come about possibly the most limp-dick region of the united states: Seattle. What better place to start in this long shit list than its drivers.

Seattle drivers suck. Plain and simple. Every trip out on the road is absolutely infuriating. For example, everyone routinely drives 5 mph under the posted speed limit. They don't understand the concept of left lane being a passing lane and think driving 30 mph down the on ramp is the best speed at which to merge. The list of offenses is too great to list here at once, but you can get a good idea of the state of road affairs in seattle by reading Driver's Etiquette For Seattle. You'd think in a place where the roads are wet for long periods of time, that the drivers would naturally become good at handling the rain. Not so.. and don't even get me started on how they handle snow The problem is that seattle drivers are a bunch of overly timid, overly "polite" pussies. Apparently i'm not the only one that thinks this way.
Wake up seattle. Grow a pair of testicles and start driving like you mean it.

I work at a grocery store, and we have these self-checkout machines, which I am usually assigned to attend when I work. Now, these machines can get really temperamental when handled by people who can't follow instructions. You may think that there can't be that big of a percentage of customers who are that stupid. You would lose that bet, so you might as well hand over all of your money to me now. I'd say at least 25% of customers who use those things are complete morons. "Oh, but they're probably just not used to them, and that's why they fail to use them properly." WRONG! Let me tell you why.

When the machine says, "Please place the item in the bag", both on the screen and verbally, you would expect them to understand what it wants them to do. They completely ignore any and all instructions spewed from that thing, and I get to enjoy mass bitchings. "Please select your method of payment, and touch the screen where indicated" is another one they ignore just to vent some rage onto me.

My point, in short, is that more people than you know, are absolutely retarded. Now get the hell off my self-checkouts!

Ever wonder what happens when you put an iPod into a blender? Well wonder no more! If you haven't seen this site yet, be sure to check out willitblend.com. The basic premise is simple: Put a bunch of crap (iPhones, marbles, garden rakes) into a blender and find out if it'll blend. Now that's science!! All I know is that I want one of these blenders.

Has anyone else had enough of this environmental hysteria shit yet?? Every time you turn around there's another history major dropout that is spouting all kinds of ignorant "green" horse shit. You tree-hugging hippies can hug my sweaty nutsack! One of the latest abominations to come out of this oh so fashionable cause is a group called Plane Stupid

Side note: I've only linked to their site in hopes that some envirowhore might search the term and stumble into here and get their ass handed to them

Yeah, A hippy in a lab coat standing next to a banner is science. Fuck you! So if you haven't guessed yet, these wonders of the gene pool want us to stop flying because it's bad for the environment. Thats a great idea guys! We should all stop flying so that we can single-handedly save the planet from global warming... oh wait, Aviation only accounts for 2-3% of the global carbon emissions. These well educated scholars go on to cite big numbers such as: "A single long haul flight uses 60,000 litres of kerosene." in a feeble attempt to bolster their point. Nevermind for a second that these people's biggest beef is with short haul flights, but they're absolutely right. It takes an assload of fuel to fly 8000 nautical miles. The fuel tanks on these things are so big that you can stand straight up inside of a 747 center wing tank. What they DON'T bother to mention is how newly designed airplanes such as the Boeing 787 will have a per-passenger fuel efficiency of more than 78 miles per gallon. That's more than those tampon-on-wheels toyota priuses that these greenpeace fucks like to drive around. If these wastes of sperm were getting chem and physics degrees and working to find real solutions I probably wouldn't come down on them so hard. Instead they'd rather parade around in cardboard. Save the "science" for people who actually have degrees in the science/technology fields, you pricks. If you have a myspace account, feel free to flame them ... and be sure to tell em j-man sent ya.

I drive into work this morning and go to pull into the parking lot when I see 3 fire trucks and 2 cop cars in the the lot with their lights on. My first though is "another drug deal here in the ghetto".

I see one of my co-workers cars in the lot, but don't see him around, so I figure he's inside and everything must be ok. I walk into the building and catch a whiff of gas. I look 2 firefighters square in the face, and they say nothing to me as I head up the stairs. I get to the office and walk in to see that no one is inside. I figure my co-worker is in the can and will be in shortly. I start to log on to my computer and get to work, and I notice that no one is in the building. I figure now may be a good time to see where people are. There everyone is outside sitting around.

You would think one of the brainiac fire-tards would have said "you can't come in yet" or something of that nature. Hell no! That would be them doing their job!

I almost forgot, someone shit themselves here too. I walked over what looked like a turd in the hall way, then I see a nasty "explosion" all over the seat in the cripple stall.

The moral of the sory - Towson, MD is a safe, clean place to work!