The Craptank

I'm at church this morning, and the cantor (person leading everyone in song) is this woman who is tone deaf as all hell. Seriously, fingernails on a chalkboard sound more in tune than this bitch. I sing at church, and don't claim to be the next Pavoratti or anything, but I do have one of the better voices among the congregation. So the cantor decides to open her yap and belt out some horrid notes that were no where near what the organist was playing. I stood there, crossed my arms and stared directly at her. Well she saw me and it threw her off even more!

Then at the end of mass, some girl came up to the pulpit to invite everyone to the Catholic High School open house next weekend. Well this made the cantor feel she had to tell us that she went there and starts to tell a story. I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to give her the "wrap it up" sign. I thought I did it where she couldn't see, but I was wrong. As I was leaving the church, she chases me down and asks "Sir, do you like to sing?" I just kept walking and said no, and continued my beeline out of the church. I hear her say "Well I heard you singing to all the songs", which couldn't be farther from the truth. My father was, but it's not like she could confuse us. There were only 40 people or so at mass. I know she wanted to try and put the "If you think you can do better, than you do it" guilt trip on me, but I would have felt odd telling some middle aged skank to fuck off in the house of the Lord.

When I get into the truck, I tell my father what happens and he says "I know she can't sing, but you shouldn't have given her the sign to cut the commentary...but I'm glad you did". Nothing like being the spokesman for the mob!

This is quite possibly the greatest commercial known to man! Enjoy!

On a side note, is it sad that I already have my 40 hours for the pay week, and it's only Tuesday?

Aww yea time for another random ass post about what the hell is on my mind.

I recently went thru soem cd's o mine and found this little gem.




I remember listenin to that while playin KI and maybe eating and or drinking something. Good times good times.


which made me remember i used to play KI on this network for the snes called xband. heres a pic.



For those of you not in the know, u hooked that up to a phone line and played really laggy competitive games.

We used to make an awesome "tower of power" by getting all the xband and game genies we could find and just keep stacking em. again good times.

So just remember, when ur sufing the net on ur dsl or cable that it was the dail up and bbs's that got this whole ball of wax rolling.....also Al Gore.

Is anyone else sick of this alien flying saucer UFO shit yet? Sure it was cute for a little while back in the 1950s when they made the first sci-fi alien invader movies, starring midgets in little green uniforms. But by now, the dead horse has been beaten enough.

The worst of these E.T. worshiping assholes are the ones that go on FOX or ricki lake claiming that they've been abducted. "Oh, I was just watchin' Dr. Phil and these creatures came down from the sky in their flying saucer and beamed me up." WRONG! You live in a trailer park in Alabama, and your "abduction" was the inevitable result of a diet consisting of nothing more than twinkies and meth. And nobody wants to hear about how you were probed.

Just in case there are actually aliens out there flying around abducting people, lets just get the ground rules straight: If you abduct someone, you have to keep them no matter how vile they may be. There is no catch and release program. There are no refunds. You can't take a bite out of a chicken leg and then put it back onto the buffet. The same theory applies here. As soon as you fly your little saucer over and get your green ass involved, they're considered tainted goods and we don't want them back. Ever.

..Which brings me to the UFO thing. At what point did UFO become synonymous with flying saucer from outer space? That's stupid. It's unidentified flying object. If it's a flying giraffe, but you cant identify it, then that makes it a UFO. Just that. Not an alien space ship. Besides, there's always someone who can identify it even if you cant.

For example, an upside down Flying Weber Barbeque:

As some of you may know, tomorrow is the day of the much hyped Iowa Caucus. But what exactly is a caucus? Basically, it's a bunch of people that gather somewhere and get in groups based on which candidate they support. If you're undecided, then the people running the caucus will tell you to choose a group to stand in.

Seriously, how retarded are people in Iowa? This isn't a fucking 5th grade kickball game. "I'm going to support Barack Obama because there is a chick over there with huge tits and maybe if she thinks I support Obama, she'll whip out those fun bags!" Welcome to the thought process of how Iowans decide where to stand.

This has got to be the shittiest form of deciding who is going to be supported at the national conventions. There must be an easier way. Oh wait, there is. It's called a fucking ballot! Don't vote someone because "everyone else is over there and I want to seem cool" or "that guy has more chicks with bigger boobs supporting them". Maybe, just maybe, make a decision on your own. On second thought, maybe not. I mean, that's how we ended up with a shitty president now.